im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
