hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
