Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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