You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
