just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
My ATM looks so different sober.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
