Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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