They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
