And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
