i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
