I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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