Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
