1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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