If you die in college, do you die in real life?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I still have a little drunk in my system
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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