Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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