Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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