real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
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At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
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If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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