his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
We left an ass print on the piano.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
