I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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