You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
