She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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