is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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