There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
