so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
