i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.