The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
