I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
