is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
