hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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