How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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