youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
