You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
