Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
whose parrot is this?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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