She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
