I molested 6 butterflies tonight
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
