p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
