It's Friday. Sex?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
