your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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