You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
