I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
