Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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