You work out of a Hotel?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
