I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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