did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
It's just like the Real World with babies
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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