I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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