It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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