Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
