Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
