White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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