Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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