so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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