I just made out with a guy for $7.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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