he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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