Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
