I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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