Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
