So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
