Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
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I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
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Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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