Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
