Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
