I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize