this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
