Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
