She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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