if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
