i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
