I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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