I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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