I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
