i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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