You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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