So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
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