she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize