After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
